Men in Tights: Wrestlemania XXIX

Wooooo.

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Pre-show:

  1. Wade Barrett vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship.
    Well, beep boop, apparently I missed this. Like I thought, Miz won so I’m glad I didn’t see it. God damn WWE for treating Barrett so badly. If he doesn’t get moved up the card following this, I’ll be one pissed off fan.

  2. Tons of Funk + Funkadactyls vs Team Rhodes Scholars + Bella Twins
    Cancelled, I guess. Lame.

Main Show:

  1. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns) vs Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show
    Sheamus started off against Roman Reigns and the brawlers brought some pain. Nice tag move to bring in Orton. Rollins comes in and gets dominated by Orton. Faces in charge as the match begins. Dissention between the faces being played up as Show steals a tag-in. Turned around as Rollins manages to bring in Sheamus to the Shield’s corner. Ambrose is so cool. Very deranged character. Props to him for making it work. The Shield takes charge and beats down Show. Show gets out after some minutes of being beaten down. He tags in Sheamus, who cleans house. Cool spot as Sheamus hits a rolling senton on Ambrose, and then on Rollins on top of Ambrose. Big Show breaks up a Powerbomb attempt with a spear. Ortons turn to steal a tag, as he does from Big Show. Orton gets the crowd going and Ambrose is taking more punishment. Orton hits Rollins with an RKO but then eats a spear from Reigns. Ambrose pins Orton for the win.
    Orton and Show argues after the loss and Show hits a KO Punch on Sheamus, and then on Orton. Odd to see Big Show as the one who stands tall here. If Show joins the Shield (not likely, though), I’ll quit watching for a month.
  2. Ryback vs Mark Henry
    Henry enters first, and then Ryback. Not a great reception. Some staring off in the beginning and then they trade hits. Henry grounds Ryback after an exchange. Some changing of pace until Henry locks in a bear hug. Rybacks gets loose and is then rammed into a corner. Henry dominating the match-up. Ryback builds up some momentum and then floors Henry, and then lifts him! Ryback almost hits the Shell-Shock, but Henry gets hold of the ropes and falls on Ryback, knocking him out. Henry gets the pin and wins.
    After the match, trainers arrive but are chased away by Henry. Henry goes to finish Ryback again, but Ryback hits a spine-buster. Then Ryback hits a Shell-Shock on Henry. Holy crap, what a moment.After that, it’s announced that WWE will be sponsoring the 2014 Special Olympics. That’s nice.
  3.  Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan) vs Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston (with AJ Lee in their corner)
    Ziggler and Big E are out first, and then comes Team Hell No. Bryan and Ziggler starting it off. Nice tease referring to last year as Bryan hits Ziggler with a kick for a near fall. Last year roughly the same happened but with roles reversed, as Sheamus beat Bryan in 18 seconds after Bryan kissed AJ. Langston comes on and dominates Kane. Langston made to look like a beast. Momentum swings wildly and Ziggler finishes a good segment with hitting Bryan from behind. Kane breaks up the pin. Kane choke-slams Ziggler and tags in Bryan while playing defence. Bryan hits a diving head-butt for the win. 
  4. Fandango vs Chris Jericho
    Fandango comes out to a chorus of boos. Jericho comes out next to a fantastic ovation.
    Jericho chases Fandango down and dominates the beginning of the match. Some amazing selling by Fandango. Fandango avoids being cornered but walks into a Codebreaker. Jericho hits a cross-body to the outside. Jericho throws Fandango in and out before attempting a springboard drop-kick when Fandango hops up and clocks him with an acrobatic kick. Fandango takes control and beats on Jericho. Looks like Y2J is busted open. Jericho takes control with a few shoulder blocks and an axe handle from the top rope. Fandango gets Jericho down and hits a beautiful top rope leg drop. Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho turns it around and gets Fandango up to the second rope, but is knocked down. Fandango misses a leg drop and Jericho tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho, but Fandango tucks him into a package and gets the pin.A video package for Rock vs Cena II. Bah.And then out comes Diddy to rap for a bit.

  5. Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Jack Swagger (with Zeb Coulter) for the World Heavyweight Championship
    Coulter and Swagger out first. Coulter cuts a good promo. Swagger gets little mic time, which saddens me. Very back and forth action in the beginning of the match. Del Rio takes control and then Swagger. Swagger gets the Patriot Act lock in (ankle lock) and Del Rio reverses into the cross arm-breaker. Swagger gets the Patriot Act again until Del Rio reaches the ropes and then hits a devastating kick. Del Rio hits a running enzuigiri before facing off a bit with Coulter. Swagger gets Del Rio back in and runs into a cross arm-breaker. Swagger taps.Good match but a pretty disappointing climax. Coulter looking very frustrated. Maybe he’ll trade Swagger for someone he deems better for the job? Probably not. I predict a submission match at Extreme Rules.Video package for WWE’s partnership with the National Guard is aired.
  6. CM Punk vs The Undertaker for The Streak
    Living Color plays CM Punk out. Bad-ass. Awesome performance. Heyman pulling double duty, I guess.
    As usual, Undertaker with an amazing entrance.Punk making Taker chase him around and takes charge. Taker quickly turns it around and starts dominating Punk. Punk goes flying over the barrier. Ref shouting to Undertaker: “I will disqualify you!” Undertaker hits a great leg drop. Punk stops Undertaker from hitting Old School with an arm-drag. Punk taking charge again now.Oh my! Punk hits Old School on Undertaker. Great scene.Match slowing down, but some amazing moments. Undertaker choke-slams punk. Punk gets Undertaker on the Spanish announce table and hits a flying elbow. Taker counters a GTS and hits the Tombstone Pile-driver, but Punk kicks out!Undertaker is about to hit the Last Ride, but Punk hits him with the urn. Referee is knocked down and doesn’t see it. Undertaker kicks out!

    Undertaker hits another Tombstone Piledriver and pins Punk for the win. Oh, well. I’m a bit disappointed, but I have no complaints with Undertaker winning.

    Match of the Night, to the surprise of no one.


  7. Triple H vs Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred)
    After another damn video package, its’ time for this bout. HBK comes out to a loud ovation. Respect to him for all he’s done for the business, but this match is not about him. Pretty upset that he gets a full entrance like this. Guess it’s going to be HBK vs Michaels at Mania 30. Lesnar is the competitor that comes out first and some crazy fireworks go off when Lesnar enters the ring.
    HHH follows in a pretty bad-ass entrance.
    Very hard-hitting start to the match. HHH taking command after the first exchange. Lesnar throws Hunter over the barricade and picks up a chair. HHH clotheslines Lesnar over the barricade and Lesnar has a real nasty landing. Looked like he didn’t get the time to set up right. Beautiful belly to belly suplex on the floor from Lesnar and HHH stays down. Lesnar suplexes Hunter through the Spanish announce table! Great spot. Another belly to belly on the remains of the announce table. Lesnar smiling like the beast he is.Lesnar with some more beautiful suplexes, and the announcers are putting Lesnar way over. JBL sounds like he’s at a wake. HHH gets out of a corner with some kicks, but is then thrown out of the ring with authority. HBK gets on the side of the ring and is flattened by Lesnar.Finisher reversals as HHH is going for a Pedigree and Lesnar looks for the F5. HBK Tries to hit Sweet Chin Music but it’s reversed by Lestar into an F5. HHH hits a Pedigree and Lesnar kicks out. He tries to go after Lesnar with a slagdehammer but walks into an F5. Great spot. HHH kicks out. Lesnar comes at Hunter with the steel stair and hits him in the head. Then he picks up the rest of the stair and throws them into the ring with incredible ease. Lesnar with a throat-slashing motion. Tease for HBK vs Lesnar? He hits Hunter again with the stairs, but HHH kicks out.Hunter takes charge and hits a gruelling spine-buster. Lesnar charges but hits nothing but the post. HHH hits him with a chair multiple times and then locks in a Kimura arm-bar. Lesnar almost gets out. Heyman goes to help out his friend, but Michaels super-kicks him down. HHH locks in the Kimura again, but Lesnar slams him on the stairs. HHH locks in the Kimura again. All the pace of the match is gone. Lesnar almost gets out of it, but HHH counters again into a DDT on the steel steps.

    HHH hits Lesnar in the head with a sledgehammer, and sets him up for a Pedigree on the steel steps. He hits it and the pin for the 1-2-3. HHH wins and the biggest ego-rubbing of the year commences. Pretty ridiculous how much the announcers are putting over their future boss on the mic. Good match, but the end was quite disappointing.

    Hall of Famers are presented next. A bit funny that Trump is booed. Sammartino headlines and the crowd is roaring. Seems a bit too much time left for Cena vs Rock II. Are the Funk Train vs Rhodes Scholars and Bellas really going to be the penultimate match?

    80676 in attendance. Pretty crazy. Fireworks are blasted into the air.

    Well, here comes John Cena.


  8. John Cena vs The Rock for the WWE Title
    Tons of boos for John Cena who is his usually playful self, to the chagrin of the majority of people over 10 years old. nah, not really, but damn that’s a lot of booing. The crowd are laying into Cena, and pops huge for The Rock.
    I kind of want Cena to win, only to see what the design on his belt would be. Then he could go get hit by everyone’s’ finisher at once. The belt is pretty awesome. Way better than the old spinner one.Cena gets Rock down with a shoulder block and the two have a stand off. Crowd is hot as hell. Rock knocking Cena down this time.Cena gets thrown around and takes a breather. Lots of booing again. Feels like the entire arena is against Cena. Rock sort of taunting Cena. Cena takes charge with a lot of striking, but Rock turns it around with a clothesline.Swift turns in momentum until Cena takes charge and grounds Rocky for a while. Rock gets in a sleeper hold on Cena, but Cena gets out after a while.

    Cena tries to build momentum with an elbow drop but misses and walks into a Samoan drop by Rock. Both are slow to get back up but starts trading punches. Cena hits a suplex, and Rocks kicks out of the following pin. Rock looks incredibly winded. Cena misses a shoulder tackle. Good ring psychology here. Goth guys reversing each-others moves until Rock gets Cena down for a Sharpshooter, but Cena gets out. Cena gets Rock down and builds up for the FIve Knuckle Shuffle. He takes in the boos and taunts the crowd and The Rock before missing. Such a heel move. The Rock hits a DDT and then gets caught in a cross-face by Cena.

    Cena launches Rock into the turn-buckle and before being booed out of the building and hitting a Five Knuckle Shuffle. Rock gets up and hits a spine-buster on Cena, who then breaks up a People’s Elbow by getting in a STF. The crowd is heavily against Cena. Rock hits a Rock Bottom! Cena kicks out. This could bode bad for the match. Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment out of nowhere and Rock kicks out. Damn it. I hate matches where guys just keep kicking out of finishers. Not that it’s anything new, as top stars regularly kick out of finishers in main events. Cena misses wildly with a leg drop and Rock drops him with a spine-buster. People’s Elbow on Cena, who then kicks out.

    Another tight segment and Cena catches a flying Rock and tries another AA, but Rock reverses into a Rock Bottom. Cena kicks out at 2. L O L.

    Rock is walking around the ring and taunts Cena. He strides and gets caught in an AA. Rock kicks out again, and it’s Finisher-balooza.

    They trade punches until Cena hits a Rock Bottom on Rock, who kicks out at 2. Well, this got blasé fast. Cena pondering what to do. Cena’s thinking of going for a People’s Elbow. Cena holds on to the ropes as Rock is prepared for a Rock Bottom. Cena catches Rock in an AA, but Rock reverses into another Rock Bottom. Cena catches out again.

    Both guys are just constantly trying to hit their finishers. Cena showing a ton of heel tendencies tonight. Probably just a tease, though. Rock stalking Cena and hoping for a Rock Bottom. Cena reverses and hits an Attitude Adjustment for the win!

    God damn it.

    Well, we all knew it was coming. Cena wins and is champion again. Hoping there’s a moment after the match to make it all worth it. Just not another handshake. Come on.

    Of course, there’s the handshake, and Cena points to the Rock. Rock gets a sending off like he’s going to retire, even though we already know he’s going to be at WM XXX. What the hell is this over-sentimental garbage.

    Cena stands tall as the show ends. Very predictable Mania, but a good show in general.  Match of the Night is obviously Taker vs Punk.

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