I played a game: RAGE

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

RAGE is a bad game

So, chances are you’ve heard of RAGE. The computer-devouring creation of id, creators of DOOM, Quake and other famous franchises. RAGE was hyped to the moon and back. Did it live up to the hype? As the above statement points out, no it really didn’t. Not by a long shot.

What first attracted me to RAGE was that it looked like a vast world with tons of different factions that responded differently to you (like Fallout: New Vegas’ rep system, but actually working well). The post-apocalyptic world looked great and I was expecting a cool story. I was incredibly disappointed.

One of the reasons I decided to write about RAGE just now, is that it was absolutely broken at launch. Not just for me. Thousands of players took to the web in search of ways to fix the game they’d shelled out hard-earned dollars, pounds, etcetera for. id slammed the Graphic card developers for not releasing the correct build and there was probably shit flung the other way as well. It baffled me that how in this age a game was completely unplayable at start. The only thing more retarded is the “internet-oceans” events, where games are released at different times in the world. Digital downloads. Being released at different dates. Because you live in another country. Fuck off.

Any way. Shit was fixed and I got to play it, finally. This was about a year ago. It played the first two hours (the intro clip is fantastically animated and executed, as I got to see like 50 times as I was trying to fix the game crashing right after) and just took a rest. Then I didn’t come back to it. Why? Because it’s not very fun. I don’t have a problem with playing it. I slog along and kill dudes left and right, but after you leave the first town, the game just becomes unbearably slow and formulaic. Maybe it’s with a gleam in their eye, but id created a shitty set-up for doing things. If you’ve played RPGs, then you recognise this:

  1. The player needs an object or needs to go to a location.
  2. The player is directed to an NPC for help.
  3. The NPC has some reason why they can’t help at that very moment, and sends the player on something that’s called a Fetch-quest (This is when you go to pick up an object and bring it to the NPC. It’s usually looked at with anger because they’re usually found in all RPGs and are continuous, in that there are several tiers to them, as in first you pick up 10 rabbits for the chef; then you pick up 25; then you pick up 50; and you get the rest.) leading to them finally being able to help you.

This is the entire fucking game. I shit you not. You go to Person A, who can help you with Predicament B, but first you need Objective C. It’s Mission by numbers, in the worst possible way.

If I could relate RAGE to any other thing in the world, it’d be this: Playing RAGE is like planning and then doing your shopping. It’s incredibly boring, but you do it, so you can go on.

The story is shit. An asteroid hit Earth, and apparently we had Ark Project running, so that we could repopulate later. Well, obviously that went to shit, as you wake up X years later and all the other dudes are either dead in their pods or dead in the huge wasteland that Earth has become. You’re saved by a random dude who brings you to his random town, where you help out. It is so unbelievably stale and formulaic you feel your brain trying to squeeze through your ears. The voice acting saves it from being downright hell. Then you move on to help other places do stuff. Because herp, that’s why. People trust you for being a silent dude with armour who is good with shooting things. Sounds legit. The set-up for RAGE is stupid and id should feel bad.

It doesn’t get better. It just continues the same way.

So, what positives are there to RAGE? Well, it’s pretty. Let’s face it: RAGE is just a tech-demo. id fucked us over real bad and marketed their graphics sandbox as an actual game. I mean, it is a game, but it’s a horribly bland one. It’s even more standard-FPS than fucking Call of Duty. It’s a rail-roaded shooting-gallery pathetic excuse of a game, and I now feel silly for even paying money for it. I’ll try to finish it, but at this point I don’t give a fuck.

Save your money, and skip buying RAGE. If you want a shooter, try Bulletstorm (really fun shooting gallery, play it with a friend) or Spec Ops: The Line (best military shooter of all time).

(I’ve been watching Kurozuka, so I’ll write about that soon)


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