Film-night: And Soon The Darkness

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Yay, I watched a film.

Sadly,

And Soon The Darkness is a bad film.

Well, there you have it. It’s such a shame, too, because the premise looks great: “When two American girls on a bike trip in a remote part of Argentina split up and one of them goes missing, the other must find her before her worst fears are realized.” (thanks, IMDB – coincidentally I nabbed all the images from there as well) It’s a simple, but effective premise, leaving lots of room for twists and great acting. Sadly, this film has almost none of each.

So, you might just assume that this is a b-flick with a list of b-actors. Not true. The film’s three leads are bona fide great actors. Let’s see who they are, then.

Amber Heard, who is surely most remembered for action (Drive Angry) or comedy (Pinapple Express), is the one you’d expect to throw out a hammy performance making us cringe. Not the case. She’s the best out of the three main draws in the film. She also had the best material to work with, so she had a bit of a handicap. She plays Stephanie, the more sensible of the female lead duo, and is the one who is sent on a depressing chase after her friend is kidnapped. She also seems to have a bad track-record with guys, and is thinking about getting back with her ex, who we’re told isn’t a great dude.

Odette Annable (at that time, known as Odette Yustman – fun fact, she was in Kindergarten Cop with Arnie), who you might know from her stint on House, plays the party-girl of the duo, Ellie. She’s hot and she knows it, flirting around with the lads. After a small fight with her friend, she ends up being kidnapped, and largely disappears from the film. Pretty bland character that we’re not really told to root for. There’s almost a relief when she ends up being kidnapped, because her friend is by far the better person.

Karl Urban plays a guy. Really though, his name is Michael, and he’s a brooding, mysterious guy who keeps showing up around the girls. It saddens me to see Urban get such a shitty role, because he’s a fantastic actor. He brings a cool and actually rather creep vibe to Michael, but not enough to make him truly remember-able in the long run.

Special mention goes to César Vianco, who puts in a great performance as corrupt and incredibly creepy policeman Calvo.

To the story, then. Two girls are on a trip in Argentina with some sort of cycling expedition. They break away from the group, to spend the night in some seedy area and go dancing, with plans to join the bus the day after. Which they do, and then they go on in peace. Ha, no. They of course almost get in trouble as Ellie picks up a dude, who turns out to be pretty aggressive in wanting to bed her. After Michael pops out to intervene, the man is chased off. The not-so-dynamic duo end up missing the bus and decide to see the sights while they’re there. They go to a waterfall, and end up having a little fight when Steph wants to go see the caves. While they are separated, the aggressive lad from last night shows up and kidnaps Ellie. Stephanie shows back up and can’t find her friend. Michael shows up from nowhere, and creeps her out. He claims to be a nice guy and wants to help her. We later find out that Michael is looking for his friend (or girlfriend, I really can’t remember), who also went missing. Apparently, girls have been kidnapped here for some time and then smuggled off to Paraguay. Ellie would apparently fetch a good price, as she is American. And so the two go off on a hunt for Ellie, in the hopes they aren’t too late.

The thing that makes the film bad is that it’s so unbearably predictable. Everything happens as you suspected it would. Spoilers are below. I also watched The Hunter, which is a much better film. I’ll try to write some words about it later. If you like the concept of And Soon The Darkness, but didn’t like the film or were persuaded to avoid it – check out Eden Lake. Very similar film, but done correctly. I’ll warn you, though: It’s very disturbing.

To no-one’s surprise, they take help from a cop that turns out to be a corrupt arse-hole, and are forced to do the looking on their own. Stephanie stumble onto the right place to find Ellie, but is noticed by the guy who kidnapped her friend. A chase starts, but ends abruptly as the man shoves Ellie onto a rock, and she dies. Well, that happened rather sudden, indeed. Stephanie goes blind with anger and attacks the man, when Calvo and Michael shows up (Michael had earlier been caught by Calvo when looking around – both knows the other guy knows about them and it’s a nice little cat-and-mouse game between them, which is the only intriguing part of the film. In a surprising moment, Michael gives in to the lure of being able to see the girl he’s looking for and ends up being shot and killed by Calvo. Damn, you don’t see that happen often in films. At this stage, it’s apparent that it’s a damned bleak film. Calvo and the guy captures Stephanie and plans to sell her. Things go awry and in the end, Stephanie ends up killing Calvo. I was kind of disappointed. It was well on it’s way to being another Eden Lake (if you haven’t yet, look it up – endlessly disturbing film) but then copped out a generic ending with Steph getting away clean.

What the fuck, though. Nothing ends well, no lessons are learned and Stephanie just goes away and probably goes into a depression. No story was really told all the way through. To best describe ASTD would be to say it’s a series of unfortunate events. It’s not a good film in any way and should not be viewed by anyone, other than to see the brilliant acting of César Vianco as the creepiest fucking policeman EVER.

I played a game: RAGE

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

RAGE is a bad game

So, chances are you’ve heard of RAGE. The computer-devouring creation of id, creators of DOOM, Quake and other famous franchises. RAGE was hyped to the moon and back. Did it live up to the hype? As the above statement points out, no it really didn’t. Not by a long shot.

What first attracted me to RAGE was that it looked like a vast world with tons of different factions that responded differently to you (like Fallout: New Vegas’ rep system, but actually working well). The post-apocalyptic world looked great and I was expecting a cool story. I was incredibly disappointed.

One of the reasons I decided to write about RAGE just now, is that it was absolutely broken at launch. Not just for me. Thousands of players took to the web in search of ways to fix the game they’d shelled out hard-earned dollars, pounds, etcetera for. id slammed the Graphic card developers for not releasing the correct build and there was probably shit flung the other way as well. It baffled me that how in this age a game was completely unplayable at start. The only thing more retarded is the “internet-oceans” events, where games are released at different times in the world. Digital downloads. Being released at different dates. Because you live in another country. Fuck off.

Any way. Shit was fixed and I got to play it, finally. This was about a year ago. It played the first two hours (the intro clip is fantastically animated and executed, as I got to see like 50 times as I was trying to fix the game crashing right after) and just took a rest. Then I didn’t come back to it. Why? Because it’s not very fun. I don’t have a problem with playing it. I slog along and kill dudes left and right, but after you leave the first town, the game just becomes unbearably slow and formulaic. Maybe it’s with a gleam in their eye, but id created a shitty set-up for doing things. If you’ve played RPGs, then you recognise this:

  1. The player needs an object or needs to go to a location.
  2. The player is directed to an NPC for help.
  3. The NPC has some reason why they can’t help at that very moment, and sends the player on something that’s called a Fetch-quest (This is when you go to pick up an object and bring it to the NPC. It’s usually looked at with anger because they’re usually found in all RPGs and are continuous, in that there are several tiers to them, as in first you pick up 10 rabbits for the chef; then you pick up 25; then you pick up 50; and you get the rest.) leading to them finally being able to help you.

This is the entire fucking game. I shit you not. You go to Person A, who can help you with Predicament B, but first you need Objective C. It’s Mission by numbers, in the worst possible way.

If I could relate RAGE to any other thing in the world, it’d be this: Playing RAGE is like planning and then doing your shopping. It’s incredibly boring, but you do it, so you can go on.

The story is shit. An asteroid hit Earth, and apparently we had Ark Project running, so that we could repopulate later. Well, obviously that went to shit, as you wake up X years later and all the other dudes are either dead in their pods or dead in the huge wasteland that Earth has become. You’re saved by a random dude who brings you to his random town, where you help out. It is so unbelievably stale and formulaic you feel your brain trying to squeeze through your ears. The voice acting saves it from being downright hell. Then you move on to help other places do stuff. Because herp, that’s why. People trust you for being a silent dude with armour who is good with shooting things. Sounds legit. The set-up for RAGE is stupid and id should feel bad.

It doesn’t get better. It just continues the same way.

So, what positives are there to RAGE? Well, it’s pretty. Let’s face it: RAGE is just a tech-demo. id fucked us over real bad and marketed their graphics sandbox as an actual game. I mean, it is a game, but it’s a horribly bland one. It’s even more standard-FPS than fucking Call of Duty. It’s a rail-roaded shooting-gallery pathetic excuse of a game, and I now feel silly for even paying money for it. I’ll try to finish it, but at this point I don’t give a fuck.

Save your money, and skip buying RAGE. If you want a shooter, try Bulletstorm (really fun shooting gallery, play it with a friend) or Spec Ops: The Line (best military shooter of all time).

(I’ve been watching Kurozuka, so I’ll write about that soon)

Manga musings: Hellstar Remina

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Hellstar Remina is a good manga

So, how about Hellstar Remina?

Oh my word, WTF.

Oh my word, WTF.

If you’ve read an Itou Junji manga before, you know shit is getting real real up in here. Let me just state this: Hellstar Remina includes some crazy imagery that is not suited for everyone. Eldrich abominations and locations are in there. With that, let’s go. There’ll be some very slight spoilers in this text, in black text. You have been warned.

Hellstar Remina’s premise is incredibly simple. A professor predicts a wormhole to be present in the Hydra constellation. One day a planet is witnessed passing through it, into our dimension. The professor receives the Nobel prize. He decides to name the star after his daughter, who is instantly propelled into a global celebrity. Some time after this, it’s noticed that the planet is constantly moving  – at times at the speed of light – and that stars around it seems to just disappear. Scientists are befuddled, especially when they notice that the star has changed its trajectory and is now headed towards Earth. Then shit gets crazy. The following panic makes some people just lay down and cry and some go on a wild chase after the people they hold responsible: Professor Oguro and his daughter Remina. All while the planet slows its pace and seems to now be slowly approaching our blue planet. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: The planet has eyes and mouths, and devours the damn moon in a quick bite.

It’s an interesting notion that Itou puts out about celebrity: We’re rather quick as a people to shine the spotlight on things we find curious and then put it on a pedestal. Remina has done nothing apparent to validate the gigantic fanbase and general following she gets and her decision to “enter the world of entertainment” is incredibly bizarre from our viewpoint, but is widely celebrated in the manga. Maybe the people are so starved for enjoyment that they cling on to anything new, or maybe its a symbol for the sheep we all become to the organisations that produce the products we consume. It’s an interesting point to make.

Let me just restate: This manga is bonkers. Absolutely crazy. It’s a look deep into the human psyche. How far will you go to save yourself with apocalypse knocking at the door? How far can people be driven by insane ideas, when reality is insane enough that they seem plausible? As much as Hellstar Remina is about a monster-planet from another dimension coming to Earth and killing the fuck out of everything in its way, it’s also about people losing their morale values and becoming driven by mad ideas and basic needs. In the middle of global panic, a cult steps up and takes control of the numerous mobs in Japan.

These guys know how to ruin a party.

These guys know how to ruin a party.

Their Mission? To kill the professor and his daughter. People follow these zealots with a burning passion and a wild hunt is on. It features some commentary on people using religion to get other people to follow their lead. It’s also not pointed out as an evil, because hey, what if they’re right? As crazy as it sounds, reality is more crazy now than ever before, so it’s not plausibility isn’t naught. People basically revert back to the dark ages and witch hunting. At times they even stop to find enjoyment in what they’re doing, which is when they’re seemingly pointed out as being of lesser morality than us readers. That said, they could also be so relieved at the ordeal soon being over and just letting go. However, not only religious craze is spotlighted when people lose their shit with apocalypse on the doorstep. There’s a scene where a man tries to rape Remina, and she fights back. The scene is discovered and the man says “she was asking for it.” Surely we’re all shaking our heads at that comment, but it’s accepted in the manga, because, hell, she’s the cause of the apocalypse. If she can bring a killer-planet to us, why can’t she ensnare men by sheer will? It’s a different kind of horror to the jump-scares us horror fans find in most horror flicks nowadays. It’s the realisation that anything goes when it comes to killing this girl when it’s about staving off all our deaths. And we don’t even know that her death will save us.

Puny humans...

Puny humans…

All this while the monstrous planet above is just looking on. Maybe approvingly. Maybe it’s just observing us to see what happens when it shakes the world. By all accounts, it appears no more intelligent than a small child, poking our planet to see what happens. The few times we do get a peek at Remina’s surface, it’s terrifying beyond words.

lifeonremina

Life on Remina is pretty shitty.

The art is really good. It’s not the best I’ve seen, but it’s highly realistic most of the time, and very confusing at other times.

As for the characters, there’s really only one to talk about, and there’s not much to say. Remina is a young, shy and modest girl who is propelled into super-stardom just by existing and having a planet named after her. She seems to have difficulty with handling the attention given to her, and then the apocalypse happens. Her desperate struggle is certainly one you feel sympathy for, but there’s not much exploring as far as character development goes. Remina is just another person. She just happens to be in the middle of a global witch hunt when mind-boggling coincidence has it a planet named after her arrives to kill Earth.

I highly enjoyed Hellstar Remina, and recommend it to people who enjoy horror and chaotic stories. As far as the ending goes – without spoiling it – I wasn’t a big fan of it. The story feels unresolved to me.

To finish, let me just say again that this manga is not for everyone. It features very graphic violence, like torture and (attempted) rape, which could be a trigger for some. If you read it, I hope you enjoy it. Just know what madness you’re opening yourself to.

Animu-time: Jormungand: Perfect Order

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Jormungand: PO is a good anime

Jormungand_PO-openingep

Well, of course this was coming next. The crazy hijinks and bold plans with Koko and company continue in the sequel to Jormungand. How does the second coming of Jormungand fare? I’m here to tell you that it’s better this time around. How do you improve Jormungand’s formula, you ask? You make it more focused. Spoilers for the first season finale below.

So, Koko and her friends are still roaming the world and everything is swell. Oh wait, no it’s not. The story takes place right after the end of the previous one. R is a double agent who is spying on Koko for the CIA; Hex, a woman from Kokos past, is here for blood; All this while Operation Undershaft is trying to figure out what the hell Koko is trying to do. So let’s look at the formula set for the previous season and see it it still is in place here.

  1. The crew arrives.
  2. Stuff goes awry and they need a way out / need to out-think their opponents / straight up kill dudes.
  3. Mission completed and on to next arc.

Yep. Although this time around the arcs are longer and more focused on storytelling rather than outmanoeuvring and killing enemies.

Here’s a run-down on the cast if you need to freshen your memory.

  • Koko Hekmatyar: Arms dealer, handling business mainly in Europe and Africa. Very charismatic and beautiful. Usually very energetic and behaving sometimes like a child, she has a ruthless interior and on multiple occasions called a monster.
    Although usually cool with a smile on her lips...

    Although usually cool with a smile on her lips…

    Koko has one of the most intimidating glares in anime.

    Koko has one of the most intimidating glares in anime.

  • Jonah: Child soldier. His parents were killed in an air-strike and he became a child soldier shortly after. Has a strong hate for weapons, but still works for Koko, often serving as her bodyguard.

    Jonah. Shows more understanding than expected from a child.

    Jonah. Shows more understanding than expected from a child.

  • Lehm: Ex-Delta Force operator. Used to be active in Somalia. Second in command of Koko’s crew. Veteran mercenary who takes charge when armed conflict arises. Used to work for Koko’s father. Very versatile in weapon use, ranging from long-distance sniping to close quarters combat.
    Lehm in action, sniping suckas from a car.

    Lehm in action, sniping suckas from a car.

  • Valmet: Ex-Major serving for UN forces in Africa. Her unit got slaughtered by Chen Guoming and she lost an eye in the attack. Since then, she suffers from anxiety whenever she sets foot in Africa. Very proficient with knives and pistols.

    Valmet, close combat specialist with a crush on Koko.

    Valmet, close combat specialist with a crush on Koko.

Then there are the rest of the cast, that aren’t given much other than support roles most of the time. Technically only Koko and Jonah are the only real main characters, but Valmet and Lehm are given much more time on screen than the other side characters, so they got images as well.

  • Mao: One of the regular grunts of the group. Was discharged after a training exercise went awry. Picked up by shortly after. The only one of the group to have a family (as in wife + kids). He lied to them in order to leave. Teaches science to Jonah between missions.
  • R: Former Italian intelligence officer. Revealed in the last episode of the former season to be a mole for the CIA.

    Had to give R a picture due to his awesomeness in the opening arc.

    Had to give R a picture due to his awesomeness in the opening arc.

  • Ugo: Former Mafia driver and enforcer. Spared by Koko when his family was destroyed. A behemoth of a man, he possesses immense strength. The crew’s driver when needing a getaway.
  • Lutz: Former police sniper, part of a counter-terrorist unit. Very hesitant to kill young targets.
  • Tojo: Previous Japanese black-ops operative, working in places like Cuba. In charge of teaching Jonah maths between missions.
  • Wilee: Former explosives expert and ex-lieutenant of the 20th Engineer Brigade of the XVIII Airborne Corps of the US Army. Assigned to give Jonah English lessons between missions. Is the only member aside Koko to be black-listed by the FBI.

The perils of having a huge cast like this is apparent in the second season, just as it was in the first one, but the show does a good job at dealing out screen-time this time around and you quickly get a good vibe where everyone’s at. It’s still the same colourful cast with no subs, so if you liked them in the first season, there’s more goodness here. The opening arc, dealing with R being a double agent and Hex coming after Koko is without a doubt the series’ strongest, with some strong, emotional moments. It sets up a season that is in its entirety better than its predecessor. The stakes are raised for Koko and her compatriots. Nobody’s safe in this crazy world.

The second season takes a step back from the group dynamic at times and focuses solely on Jonah and Koko. They’re interesting contrasts. Koko is the daughter of a shipping magnate and presumably had a very peaceful, or at least pampered life as she grew up. Jonah meanwhile, grew up in a war-zone and had his parents blown up by a bomber, coincidentally sold by Koko’s brother, Kasper. Jonah hates weapons with all his being, and Koko sells them for a living. The two make a fantastic leading duo and represent the tension and morals towards the end of a magnificent series.

The morality of the characters are brought froward into the centre this time around, and when Koko reveals her master plan that she’s been working on for a long time, it’s surprising it wasn’t brought up earlier. I can understand the reason why it’s hidden for so long, but I don’t agree with the choice. It would have been interesting to have it in the open for longer and see how it affected the supporting characters.

So, the story. It’s better, considering there’s actually a story this time. From the first episode to the last, every episode is connected to Koko’s goal, which is revealed a bit into the season. The series sheds its episodic skin, and so the arcs are more focused and character-driven, much to my joy.

The art is just as clean and well-done as it was in the first series. Maybe even better. Some backdrops are absolutely stunning. The character design is much like the first series, although a bit more realistic in general this time around, when it comes to the supporting cast of revolving antagonists/partners.

The voice acting and soundtrack of the series is way better than the first season. Actors have more opportunities to get heated here and some excellent dramatic episodes bring out the best of all. The music is still top-notch, and the opening song especially is fantastic.

The theme and pacing are still the same in this second serving of Koko’s adventures. The more story-focused approach leads to a better balanced product, with the episodes being better structured and the tone being a bit darker. With it, my pleas for the show to have less comedy are answered, as the show did turn towards the more serious in this venture, and the show is better off without the forced comedic elements.

The antagonists and threatening forces this time around are more realistic and grim. There’s not a crazy villain with ridiculous fighting techniques. It’s guns vs guns and tactics + strategy in a wild dance of death.

Enjoyment-wise, Jormungand: PO lands a step above its former series with more thrilling planning; cooler action; better humour; and tear-inducing, heart-wrenching drama. Once again with a Jormungand series, the variance is its strength, balancing several genres and giving them good time. It’s one of those series’ where you finish one episode and keep watching. Not because there’s a crazy cliffhanger, but because the atmosphere, characterisation and execution of the series is so fantastic that you can help wanting to spend more time in Koko’s mad world. Jormungand: Perfect Order is a rare gem to find in today’s anime world, a show with an identity so unique and fresh you can’t help but be swept away by its charm.

Animu-time: Jormungand

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Jormungand is a good anime

So, I decided to watch Jormungand. And it’s made by the fuckers that made Steins;Gate. Which means I’m excited. Spoilers in black text as usual. They also made the very uneven Katanagatari, but that’s a story for another time.

Jormungand is the story of a crew of arms dealers, led by the charismatic Koko Hekmatyar. The series is mostly episodic, weaving in some character arcs on the way. Usually the formula is this:

  1. The crew arrives.
  2. Stuff goes awry and they need a way out / need to out-think their opponents / straight up kill dudes.
  3. Mission completed and on to next arc.

Pretty easy formula to make a series from. I’m sure that if you’ve heard about this series earlier, then you’ve heard about the series that undoubtedly stands as a huge influence: Black Lagoon. Black Lagoon is about a small group of people who conduct usually illegal business and get in trouble with all sorts of people. Jormungand is basically this, but with a bigger group. Now, obviously Jormungand isn’t a straight rip-off of BL, it just builds from the same ground. While BL arcs usually comes together with cooperation and the combined with of the Lagoon Crew, Jormungand is basically The Koko Show. And that’s perfectly fine. Koko carries the series very well. For a more fleshed out character run-down, look below:

  • Koko Hekmatyar: Arms dealer, handling business mainly in Europe and Africa. Very charismatic and beautiful. Usually very energetic and behaving sometimes like a child, she has a ruthless interior and on multiple occasions called a monster.
    Although usually cool with a smile on her lips...

    Although usually cool with a smile on her lips…

    Koko has one of the most intimidating glares in anime.

    Koko has one of the most intimidating glares in anime.

  • Jonah: Child soldier. His parents were killed in an air-strike and he became a child soldier shortly after. Has a strong hate for weapons, but still works for Koko, often serving as her bodyguard.

    Jonah. Shows more understanding than expected from a child.

    Jonah. Shows more understanding than expected from a child.

  • Lehm: Ex-Delta Force operator. Used to be active in Somalia. Second in command of Koko’s crew. Veteran mercenary who takes charge when armed conflict arises. Used to work for Koko’s father. Very versatile in weapon use, ranging from long-distance sniping to close quarters combat.
    Lehm in action, sniping suckas from a car.

    Lehm in action, sniping suckas from a car.

    Valmet: Ex-Major serving for UN forces in Africa. Her unit got slaughtered by Chen Guoming and she lost an eye in the attack. Since then, she suffers from anxiety whenever she sets foot in Africa. Very proficient with knives and pistols.

    Valmet, close combat specialist with a crush on Koko.

    Valmet, close combat specialist who is in love with Koko.

Then there are the rest of the cast, that aren’t given much other than support roles most of the time. Technically only Koko and Jonah are the only real main characters, but Valmet and Lehm are given much more time on screen than the other side characters, so they got images as well.

  • Mao: One of the regular grunts of the group. Was discharged after a training exercise went awry. Picked up by shortly after. The only one of the group to have a family (as in wife + kids). He lied to them in order to leave. Teaches science to Jonah between missions.
  • R: Former Italian intelligence officer. Revealed in the last episode to be a mole for the CIA. Not given much screen-time, sadly.
  • Ugo: Former Mafia driver and enforcer. Spared by Koko when his family was destroyed. A behemoth of a man, he possesses immense strength. The crew’s driver when needing a getaway.
  • Lutz: Former police sniper, part of a counter-terrorist unit. Very hesitant to kill young targets.
  • Tojo: Previous Japanese black-ops operative, working in places like Cuba. In charge of teaching Jonah maths between missions.
  • Wilee: Former explosives expert and ex-lieutenant of the 20th Engineer Brigade of the XVIII Airborne Corps of the US Army. Assigned to give Jonah English lessons between missions. Is the only member aside Koko to be black-listed by the FBI.

The big cast isn’t a bad thing in itself, but it doesn’t help either. It’s quite logical that an arms dealer would have a decently sized squad with her, but most of the characters see very little air time. Everyone gets to have their arcs play out (some have theirs in the second season) sooner or later, but it’s a shame we aren’t given more time to know the entire cast better. Especially, since they keep being given airtime and dialogue with Koko that are defined by their characters and their pasts, both of which we don’t know. Valmet has a very strong arc in the second half of the series. The characters mostly revolve in and out when they have an arc or not. When they’re around, they contribute to the colourful group of people.

To my surprise, there is little discussing of morality around, especially considering Jonah is a fucking child soldier. Sure, it’s brought up, but quickly shot down at times. Let’s be frank about this, the characters in the show aren’t good guys. They’re varying degrees of bad, I guess. Or, a better way to put it would be that they are all in the moral grey zone. They’re portrayed romantically as the heroes, so naturally you’re going to root for them when the oddball villains pop up to kill them. I wanted to see some more discussion or feelings about war, than what we got. It is a character-driven drama/action series, which is right up my ally, but I feel they do themselves a disservice to skip some strong discussion points on the way. And it’s topical because, you know, there’s tons of child soldiers in the world.

As for the story, there’s not a whole lot to be had, except for when the supporting characters have their arcs. The story follows the crew as they deliver and/or sell weapons and other necessities to a diverse set of people. They’re usually dealing in Europe and Africa through the season. Then there’s usually a villain for each episode, with some villains lasting another one or two more. The formula mentioned before is how the episodes unfold.

Something that quickly stands out is the very distinct art-style. It’s not super drastically different compared to most other anime. It’s usually very realistic, sometimes with some exaggerated details, usually the eyes. For the most part it’s absolutely gorgeously drawn and animated. Backgrounds are usually done nicely as well, and at times with great and impressive detail.

The voice acting is excellent across the board. The only drawback is that there’s rarely chances for the actors to use a wider range than slow drama and some comedy here and there. The soundtrack is good when used. Pretty sweet electronic battle music. OP (opening theme) and ED (ending theme) are both excellent songs.

As far as the general theme of the show goes, it’s usually a slow-paced drama with some comedy blended in. Then there’s the occasional high-speed action scenes when deals either go tits-up or there’s other people that want to hit Koko’s group.

As for the comedy, it’s a bit too much. I would have prepared being almost completely without it. In the most serious episodes, there’s practically none of it, and they’re so much better off without. The comedic parts being randomly inserted here and there just disturb the pacing and atmosphere of the series. It just feels like something inserted to please the mainstream audiences. The thing is though, that this isn’t really a series made for mainstream audiences. It’s about killers and mercenaries selling weapons to guerillas and warlords. Not something that you want your kids or the family to sit down and watch in the evening. Inserting comedy into the formula is detrimental to the concept and leaves us a worse product to enjoy. I want to stress that I’m not anti-comedy, but doing it as half-heartedly and shallow as it is here it can only work badly.

The antagonists that pop into the episodes are along the lines of the comedic tendencies mentioned. They’re almost always very eccentric or have some crazy fighting style. In some arcs it works, like when the crew goes to Africa and come face-to-face with an old enemy of one of the crew members. They usually don’t take anything away from the enjoyment, but they don’t usually add to it either.

As for the enjoyment, it’s great. While not being the best I’ve veer seen, this series is highly enjoyable. It’s variance is it’s strength, and while I don’t usually like the comedy, some light-hearted scenes are always good in a series like this. From slow-paced planning with some tense meetings with antagonists; to high-speed gun-play and chase-scenes, Jormungand is one hell of a ride, and it’s a pleasure watching it. While not always ending in cliffhangers, the show still gets you excited to watch the next episode after you finish one, and that’s high praise for a series. Jormungand is a delight to watch, and should be seen by people interested in serious drama, and is obviously very recommended for fans of Black Lagoon.

If you like it, check out it’s sequel, Jormungand: Perfect Order.

Animu-time: Robotics;Notes

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Robotics;Notes is a bad anime

I’ll keep spoilers to the minimum, but when there are some, they’ll be in black, like the following words: A character in Harry Potter kills another character. Like so. Just highlight the text to see the hidden parts. At your own risk, of course.

So I recently returned to the world of anime, after taking along time off. Most of the new stuff that comes out is terrible moe-blob shit that I couldn’t care less about. Sometimes, amazing series pop up, though, and one of those were Steins;Gate, and amazing show about A group that creates a device that lets them send messages back in time. Basically, it’s centred on one of them, Okabe Rintarou, and him and the rest realising what happens when you fuck with time and causality. It starts out fairly light-hearted with some early shocks and twists and soon evolves into a fantastic character study and a fantastic thrill ride. The characters are amazing, especially Okabe (who calls him self “The Mad Scientist” Hououin Kyouma”, but is generally called “Okarin” by his friends) who is a multi-layered and intriguing character.

I’m not sure about the details, but Robotics;Notes is related to Steins;Gate (it’s Divergence Ratio is named in the synopsis (AND MAYBE IN THE SERIES BUT I HAVEN’T SEEN IT IN THERE YET UPDATE THIS WHEN DONE LOL), something which S;G fans will notice) but like I said, I’m not really sure how. They’re both Visual Novels by the same creator (I think) set in just a differing setting.
The setting is basically this: The Robotics Club at Central Tanegashima High School want to build a huge robot (commonly called a mecha in anime), and the club follows its members in their struggles with funding and other stuff. Pretty basic. Obviously there’s more under the surface than the characters just going at it with spanners, including a mystery slowly being revealed about a conspiracy that would severely endanger a sweeping majority of the people on Earth. [After seeing ten episodes, it feels incredibly far-fetched so far, but I’m going with it.]
To begin with some negativity, my main gripe with the series, is that it feels so very standard. Generic is another word I could use, but it feels too negative. Robotics;Notes takes what you find in most series nowadays: A cast of rather quirky characters that compliment each-other’s quirk/weirdness and go with it.
  • Akiho (the female protagonist) is super energetic and ambitious, while
  • Kaito (called Kai, male protagonist) is a sloth and generally disinterested in doing anything but playing Kill-Ballad (an on-line fighting game with mechas) which he apparently is one of the top people in the world at.
  • Junna is what I like to put in the category of “moe-blob,” which I mentioned earlier. Basically, she’s a throwaway character that’s in the series to be cute and once or twice pop into the main plot-line for an episode or two.
  • Contrasting her is Subaru, ambitious and helpful dude, who was told by his father to stop building, and competing with, robots. Of course he does it anyway but is caught when his father stop by the robotics club, and smashed Subaru’s little robot he uses to compete.
  • Then there’s Kona, the epitome of stereotypic nerds in Japanese culture; She’s a shut-in; almost entirely communicates in memes; is incredibly perverted and is generally pictured as a bit of a nut-case. She does have a back-story that ties into the main story which is intriguing.

There are more examples to be named, but I can’t be arsed to find out what their names were. Oh yeah, there’s the obligatory crazy director guy who’s completely obsessed with boobs, and has a parrot that’s trained (or is just damaged for being around him too long) that chants along in his craving for beholding boobs. You know you’ve seen these character types before if you’ve watched anime more than once.

A positive to be found is that the animation is of very good quality. It’s not Makoto Shinkai level of quality, but not much out there is. I’m far from an artist myself, so that’s about all I’ll say about it. Excellent quality stuff, usually.
A big problem the series has initially, is the fact that it takes a long time to get going. It starts with an in medias res, with the group starting up a big mecha and getting it to walk. After that we’re showed the lives and struggles of Akiho and Kaito in their strife to get the robot working. They get some more members shortly, but the two are unquestionably the main characters. So, basically, the first episodes are for introducing the characters and the basic plot, which is usually fine. The problem is that the main characters aren’t really that interesting, and neither is the main story to begin with. Viewers who stick around will have a good series to watch, but there’s not a whole lot keeping you in the beginning. Let’s see why:
  • The characters, with focus on the main characters:

Kaito – the series main protagonist, mind you- is extremely bland and a terribly boring character. He rarely shows interest in doing anything at all and seems to be sticking around “just because”. Eternally sceptical and non-committal, though at times showing intense caring and emotion, “Kai” is a character that’s all over the place. Which is something you can say about the series as well.

Fuck this guy.

Seriously, fuck this guy.

Akiho – sharing main protagonist duties with Kaito – is a very energetic character who strongly believes in herself and her vision of building the robot her sister started building years previously. I can see her being a character that splits the audience, like a Haruhi. Infectious and happy-go-lucky personality that can alienate some viewers and enamour others.The most glaring problem with the characters is that they’re used mainly as plot devices. Characters pop in and out of relevance when it’s convenient to the story, and few are consistent throughout the series.

Even when there are some very emotional and gripping moments (examples are the Doc-focused episode, where you find out Jun’s back-story and why she’s afraid of robots, and Mizuka’s death, which was a shocking moment as it was a hugely contrasting scene in relation to the show’s previous tone. Not to mention that the second scene was pretty ridiculous, but didn’t suffer for it, so I’m fine with it. The main problem with it, was the fact that we never got to see what Kaito and Mizuka’s relationship was like, except for him stopping by at times to gain favours. The scene was sad, but didn’t leave the viewer devastated.), it’s hard to react accordingly, as you’re not very invested in the characters. As a role-player, I can work myself into the situation and simulate roughly my reaction, but that’s not easy for every viewer. Every scene should get some sort of reaction or give you something as a viewer. Tons of scenes and some episodes could and should have been cut out to give the viewer more information and background.

  • The story, which takes the back seat to introducing the characters. The mecha launching stuff in the opening moments of the show is a set-up for other things to happen in the second half of the series and the main story takes a few episodes to even enter the series. The story is told very episodically, in fragments between the episode-long character arcs, where you get more information about the characters and at times ending that characters arc entirely. Like seriously, what ever happened to Subaru’s dad going at him for still being into robots? Did he just chill out after Subaru picked one apart in front of him? It was never very clear in the series, or at least not given enough time to appreciate what the arc ultimately did for the character (nothing at all).

As far as the voice acting, it’s  mostly solid. Fukuda Nobuaki stands out as “Doc” in an emotional episode at about the middle of the series. Most others are good, but not outstanding. Part of the soundtrack stand out, but others are pretty run-of-the-mill pieces. Sound department ends up being a little above average, all things considered.

It does pick up a considerable amount later, with some emotional episodes and big events and twists. With the characters being horribly, infuriatingly uneven, it’s hard to fully enjoy the series. Also, some scenes are so ridiculously improbable and out of the blue that any seriousness it’s trying to get across gets lost.

Now, I’ve been ragging on it a lot, but honestly, Robotics;Notes is an enjoyable show at times. It’s passable as a watch, but if I were to decide on it being good or bad, I have to go with bad. It’s just easier to hate on stuff than be positive, and being pissed of at how much potential the series has but is never used. With the story presented, the show has great potential to be a great show, but there are like six episodes dedicated to the story when the endgame rolls in.
To summarise: The series does a poor job at getting the attention and sympathies of it’s viewers to begin with and the pacing is way off from where it should be to tell a story that you, as a viewer, should become invested in. Main characters aren’t able to carry the show on their own, and as a result the show is pretty flat in the end. Speaking of ends, holy fuck does this show fall apart in the endgame. It’s almost fun how much we’re meant to take for granted without any explanation at all. As such, it fails in doing what any series striving to be considered a serious work should do: Make the viewer care. It certainly has some sweet feel-good moments, but they hardly weigh up the series’ shortcomings. It’s a good try, but in the end it fails more than it succeeds. It falls short of the line between good and bad, and as such, I won’t recommend this series to anyone. Maybe I would recommend an aspiring storyteller to watch it, just to know what pits in writing and storytelling to avoid, and that’s certainly not something you would want written on the back of the DVD-case.
To conclude this entry, I’ll present how I would have written Robotics;Notes to make it a better series (in black, because slight spoilers):
The show opens up with Kai and Akiho’s lives, presenting what happened to them in the Anemone Incident and what their struggles are. Mizuka and Kai’s relationship is shown and explained. When Kai gets interested in the Kimijima report, Mizuka tells Kai to stay away from the reports. The viewers are told that Misa sent Mizuka the legs that ultimately end up killing her when they horribly malfunction. Then the conspiracy angle plays in with the evil people doing evil things and such. The story stays the same, it’s just the chronology that’s changed for the better, in order to make the viewers care about these characters.

From behind the GM Screen: Getting to know your friends again

RPG terms for the unknowing:
RPG: Role-playing game
GM: Game master (basically <the narrator>, the gm’s job is to keep track of the rules, explain the surroundings and events and play the side-characters)
PC: Player character (the players are the main characters of whatever story you’re telling)
OP: Over-powered (a rule of action or whatever that’s too strong to make much sense, and can end up breaking a game)

So, I’ve been running a campaign of Noir, a Swedish RPG for a couple of months now. I think we just passed 25 sessions, but I kinda lost count a ways back. Noir is just that, a Noir game. It’s set in a city where the state is everything and decides the fate of all. A world were most people can’t stand living and just blow their heads off. Most of the common man works in the gigantic factory districts or scrape by doing other jobs. Obviously there are detectives, crooked alcoholic cops and femme fatales. There just wouldn’t be a Noir setting without them. It’s got a nice, dark setting that’s great for character development and generally torturing your PCs. (Noir is a Swedish RPG and you can check for more info here: http://www.noir.nu/ Sorry to the non-Swedes, it’s only available in Swedish and the developers seem done with the product, so I doubt they’ll ever release a translate version.)

In Noir there’s a thing called “The Defilement”. It’s basically magic that used the caster’s life force. It’s extremely rare to be a Defiler, but some exist. The users suffer severe emotional traumas the more they use it, and I like fucking with my players, so of course I decided to center the campaign on characters that are Defiler and are trying to get rid of their affliction. So in general it’s a mix between investigation and action, finding the dudes that can help them figure out what to do, and drop-kicking evil in the face.

During the campaign, I’ve noticed that my players have a larger fancy for the action, and as such I’ve leaned towards more evil-punching than I had planned, and made the story into more of an epic struggle. Plans have rarely been made, and it generally goes like this when a plan is suggested.

  1. Look over the gathered information.
  2. Think up a basic plan, such as flanking or feigned charges.
  3. Disregard plan – kick down the door.

As a GM that doesn’t shy away from harming the PCs, I don’t complain much about it and reap the following results. I think there’s been 3 PC deaths thus far, and many occasions where players got just short of bleeding out. So it’s obviously ot the most lethal campaign ever, but I’ve been holding back a bit.

With just a few sessions to go, I decided to have a more social game, because I had to write an essay during the week and couldn’t be arsed to write up a slew of dudes to feed to the power-gaming PCs.

I thought the game went so-so. A common problem for GMs: Getting players to bite the plot hook. Mine just weren’t going for it, initially, so I kind of had to force interaction with NPCs to give them story information. It worked, and the show was on the road again. A thing I’ve noticed during the campaign is that The Defilement is ridiculously OP. It’s basically everything two of my players ever do. One of them has a Defilement that lets him become practically invisible, and the other one has one that lets him dominate NPCs (read: mind-control). Basically, The Defilement is the central game mechanic in this stage of the campaign. Which is fine, since this is just a thing I did to play-test The Defilement. Instead of talking to NPCs, they usually capture them, kill them or dominate them. That’s a problem, because The Defilement becomes a crutch to lean on instead of role playing.

Anyway, the players end up at a sort of gala for the famous aristocrats they have a problem with and infiltrate (of course, by dominating a nobleman to gain entry) and find information from an earlier antagonist. As trigger-happy as these guys are, I’m surprised they didn’t just pop him instantly. They find out that one of the party guests is an opponent of the real bad guys and they find him. Guess what: They fucking dominate him as well. Well, whoop-de-do, several hours of coming up with the character and dialogue go out the window and mind-control gets one more point.

Anyway, the session ends in bloodshed, as the old antagonist decides to fuck the place up (which was mostly me being an arse-hole, but whatever.

Anyway, what surprised me, was that after the session one of the players hit me up on Skype and thanked me for “a very good session”.

“A good session?” I thought to myself. I though it was a cluster-fuck of me fumbling over myself to throw the story at my players without them biting and making contrived plans, but I’ll take the compliment. Apparently at least he thought it was a nice change of pace to have a slow, talky session instead of shooting the place up all the time.

I’ll tell you this: If you think you know your friends exactly, think again, mate. Throw them into an RPG and be shocked at what they’ll do. I’ll get a post up on the amazing game The Quiet Year, by Joe Mcdaldno, soon. That game will have your head spinning at what your fellow players do.

PS: Funny thing, the players lack of planning bit them in the arse again as two PCs bit it in the last session. Going into a random boss battle before the Big God Damn Boss Battle cost them dearly, as one character got killed by a grenade, and one was mortally wounded when the boss battle arrived. Hopefully this’ll lead to some better planning in the future, but who knows? All I know is I’ll still get some sadistic pleasure when I snuff their three-step plan.

Men in Tights: Wrestlemania XXIX

Wooooo.

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Pre-show:

  1. Wade Barrett vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship.
    Well, beep boop, apparently I missed this. Like I thought, Miz won so I’m glad I didn’t see it. God damn WWE for treating Barrett so badly. If he doesn’t get moved up the card following this, I’ll be one pissed off fan.

  2. Tons of Funk + Funkadactyls vs Team Rhodes Scholars + Bella Twins
    Cancelled, I guess. Lame.

Main Show:

  1. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns) vs Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show
    Sheamus started off against Roman Reigns and the brawlers brought some pain. Nice tag move to bring in Orton. Rollins comes in and gets dominated by Orton. Faces in charge as the match begins. Dissention between the faces being played up as Show steals a tag-in. Turned around as Rollins manages to bring in Sheamus to the Shield’s corner. Ambrose is so cool. Very deranged character. Props to him for making it work. The Shield takes charge and beats down Show. Show gets out after some minutes of being beaten down. He tags in Sheamus, who cleans house. Cool spot as Sheamus hits a rolling senton on Ambrose, and then on Rollins on top of Ambrose. Big Show breaks up a Powerbomb attempt with a spear. Ortons turn to steal a tag, as he does from Big Show. Orton gets the crowd going and Ambrose is taking more punishment. Orton hits Rollins with an RKO but then eats a spear from Reigns. Ambrose pins Orton for the win.
    Orton and Show argues after the loss and Show hits a KO Punch on Sheamus, and then on Orton. Odd to see Big Show as the one who stands tall here. If Show joins the Shield (not likely, though), I’ll quit watching for a month.
  2. Ryback vs Mark Henry
    Henry enters first, and then Ryback. Not a great reception. Some staring off in the beginning and then they trade hits. Henry grounds Ryback after an exchange. Some changing of pace until Henry locks in a bear hug. Rybacks gets loose and is then rammed into a corner. Henry dominating the match-up. Ryback builds up some momentum and then floors Henry, and then lifts him! Ryback almost hits the Shell-Shock, but Henry gets hold of the ropes and falls on Ryback, knocking him out. Henry gets the pin and wins.
    After the match, trainers arrive but are chased away by Henry. Henry goes to finish Ryback again, but Ryback hits a spine-buster. Then Ryback hits a Shell-Shock on Henry. Holy crap, what a moment.After that, it’s announced that WWE will be sponsoring the 2014 Special Olympics. That’s nice.
  3.  Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan) vs Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston (with AJ Lee in their corner)
    Ziggler and Big E are out first, and then comes Team Hell No. Bryan and Ziggler starting it off. Nice tease referring to last year as Bryan hits Ziggler with a kick for a near fall. Last year roughly the same happened but with roles reversed, as Sheamus beat Bryan in 18 seconds after Bryan kissed AJ. Langston comes on and dominates Kane. Langston made to look like a beast. Momentum swings wildly and Ziggler finishes a good segment with hitting Bryan from behind. Kane breaks up the pin. Kane choke-slams Ziggler and tags in Bryan while playing defence. Bryan hits a diving head-butt for the win. 
  4. Fandango vs Chris Jericho
    Fandango comes out to a chorus of boos. Jericho comes out next to a fantastic ovation.
    Jericho chases Fandango down and dominates the beginning of the match. Some amazing selling by Fandango. Fandango avoids being cornered but walks into a Codebreaker. Jericho hits a cross-body to the outside. Jericho throws Fandango in and out before attempting a springboard drop-kick when Fandango hops up and clocks him with an acrobatic kick. Fandango takes control and beats on Jericho. Looks like Y2J is busted open. Jericho takes control with a few shoulder blocks and an axe handle from the top rope. Fandango gets Jericho down and hits a beautiful top rope leg drop. Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho turns it around and gets Fandango up to the second rope, but is knocked down. Fandango misses a leg drop and Jericho tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho, but Fandango tucks him into a package and gets the pin.A video package for Rock vs Cena II. Bah.And then out comes Diddy to rap for a bit.

  5. Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Jack Swagger (with Zeb Coulter) for the World Heavyweight Championship
    Coulter and Swagger out first. Coulter cuts a good promo. Swagger gets little mic time, which saddens me. Very back and forth action in the beginning of the match. Del Rio takes control and then Swagger. Swagger gets the Patriot Act lock in (ankle lock) and Del Rio reverses into the cross arm-breaker. Swagger gets the Patriot Act again until Del Rio reaches the ropes and then hits a devastating kick. Del Rio hits a running enzuigiri before facing off a bit with Coulter. Swagger gets Del Rio back in and runs into a cross arm-breaker. Swagger taps.Good match but a pretty disappointing climax. Coulter looking very frustrated. Maybe he’ll trade Swagger for someone he deems better for the job? Probably not. I predict a submission match at Extreme Rules.Video package for WWE’s partnership with the National Guard is aired.
  6. CM Punk vs The Undertaker for The Streak
    Living Color plays CM Punk out. Bad-ass. Awesome performance. Heyman pulling double duty, I guess.
    As usual, Undertaker with an amazing entrance.Punk making Taker chase him around and takes charge. Taker quickly turns it around and starts dominating Punk. Punk goes flying over the barrier. Ref shouting to Undertaker: “I will disqualify you!” Undertaker hits a great leg drop. Punk stops Undertaker from hitting Old School with an arm-drag. Punk taking charge again now.Oh my! Punk hits Old School on Undertaker. Great scene.Match slowing down, but some amazing moments. Undertaker choke-slams punk. Punk gets Undertaker on the Spanish announce table and hits a flying elbow. Taker counters a GTS and hits the Tombstone Pile-driver, but Punk kicks out!Undertaker is about to hit the Last Ride, but Punk hits him with the urn. Referee is knocked down and doesn’t see it. Undertaker kicks out!

    Undertaker hits another Tombstone Piledriver and pins Punk for the win. Oh, well. I’m a bit disappointed, but I have no complaints with Undertaker winning.

    Match of the Night, to the surprise of no one.


  7. Triple H vs Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred)
    After another damn video package, its’ time for this bout. HBK comes out to a loud ovation. Respect to him for all he’s done for the business, but this match is not about him. Pretty upset that he gets a full entrance like this. Guess it’s going to be HBK vs Michaels at Mania 30. Lesnar is the competitor that comes out first and some crazy fireworks go off when Lesnar enters the ring.
    HHH follows in a pretty bad-ass entrance.
    Very hard-hitting start to the match. HHH taking command after the first exchange. Lesnar throws Hunter over the barricade and picks up a chair. HHH clotheslines Lesnar over the barricade and Lesnar has a real nasty landing. Looked like he didn’t get the time to set up right. Beautiful belly to belly suplex on the floor from Lesnar and HHH stays down. Lesnar suplexes Hunter through the Spanish announce table! Great spot. Another belly to belly on the remains of the announce table. Lesnar smiling like the beast he is.Lesnar with some more beautiful suplexes, and the announcers are putting Lesnar way over. JBL sounds like he’s at a wake. HHH gets out of a corner with some kicks, but is then thrown out of the ring with authority. HBK gets on the side of the ring and is flattened by Lesnar.Finisher reversals as HHH is going for a Pedigree and Lesnar looks for the F5. HBK Tries to hit Sweet Chin Music but it’s reversed by Lestar into an F5. HHH hits a Pedigree and Lesnar kicks out. He tries to go after Lesnar with a slagdehammer but walks into an F5. Great spot. HHH kicks out. Lesnar comes at Hunter with the steel stair and hits him in the head. Then he picks up the rest of the stair and throws them into the ring with incredible ease. Lesnar with a throat-slashing motion. Tease for HBK vs Lesnar? He hits Hunter again with the stairs, but HHH kicks out.Hunter takes charge and hits a gruelling spine-buster. Lesnar charges but hits nothing but the post. HHH hits him with a chair multiple times and then locks in a Kimura arm-bar. Lesnar almost gets out. Heyman goes to help out his friend, but Michaels super-kicks him down. HHH locks in the Kimura again, but Lesnar slams him on the stairs. HHH locks in the Kimura again. All the pace of the match is gone. Lesnar almost gets out of it, but HHH counters again into a DDT on the steel steps.

    HHH hits Lesnar in the head with a sledgehammer, and sets him up for a Pedigree on the steel steps. He hits it and the pin for the 1-2-3. HHH wins and the biggest ego-rubbing of the year commences. Pretty ridiculous how much the announcers are putting over their future boss on the mic. Good match, but the end was quite disappointing.

    Hall of Famers are presented next. A bit funny that Trump is booed. Sammartino headlines and the crowd is roaring. Seems a bit too much time left for Cena vs Rock II. Are the Funk Train vs Rhodes Scholars and Bellas really going to be the penultimate match?

    80676 in attendance. Pretty crazy. Fireworks are blasted into the air.

    Well, here comes John Cena.


  8. John Cena vs The Rock for the WWE Title
    Tons of boos for John Cena who is his usually playful self, to the chagrin of the majority of people over 10 years old. nah, not really, but damn that’s a lot of booing. The crowd are laying into Cena, and pops huge for The Rock.
    I kind of want Cena to win, only to see what the design on his belt would be. Then he could go get hit by everyone’s’ finisher at once. The belt is pretty awesome. Way better than the old spinner one.Cena gets Rock down with a shoulder block and the two have a stand off. Crowd is hot as hell. Rock knocking Cena down this time.Cena gets thrown around and takes a breather. Lots of booing again. Feels like the entire arena is against Cena. Rock sort of taunting Cena. Cena takes charge with a lot of striking, but Rock turns it around with a clothesline.Swift turns in momentum until Cena takes charge and grounds Rocky for a while. Rock gets in a sleeper hold on Cena, but Cena gets out after a while.

    Cena tries to build momentum with an elbow drop but misses and walks into a Samoan drop by Rock. Both are slow to get back up but starts trading punches. Cena hits a suplex, and Rocks kicks out of the following pin. Rock looks incredibly winded. Cena misses a shoulder tackle. Good ring psychology here. Goth guys reversing each-others moves until Rock gets Cena down for a Sharpshooter, but Cena gets out. Cena gets Rock down and builds up for the FIve Knuckle Shuffle. He takes in the boos and taunts the crowd and The Rock before missing. Such a heel move. The Rock hits a DDT and then gets caught in a cross-face by Cena.

    Cena launches Rock into the turn-buckle and before being booed out of the building and hitting a Five Knuckle Shuffle. Rock gets up and hits a spine-buster on Cena, who then breaks up a People’s Elbow by getting in a STF. The crowd is heavily against Cena. Rock hits a Rock Bottom! Cena kicks out. This could bode bad for the match. Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment out of nowhere and Rock kicks out. Damn it. I hate matches where guys just keep kicking out of finishers. Not that it’s anything new, as top stars regularly kick out of finishers in main events. Cena misses wildly with a leg drop and Rock drops him with a spine-buster. People’s Elbow on Cena, who then kicks out.

    Another tight segment and Cena catches a flying Rock and tries another AA, but Rock reverses into a Rock Bottom. Cena kicks out at 2. L O L.

    Rock is walking around the ring and taunts Cena. He strides and gets caught in an AA. Rock kicks out again, and it’s Finisher-balooza.

    They trade punches until Cena hits a Rock Bottom on Rock, who kicks out at 2. Well, this got blasé fast. Cena pondering what to do. Cena’s thinking of going for a People’s Elbow. Cena holds on to the ropes as Rock is prepared for a Rock Bottom. Cena catches Rock in an AA, but Rock reverses into another Rock Bottom. Cena catches out again.

    Both guys are just constantly trying to hit their finishers. Cena showing a ton of heel tendencies tonight. Probably just a tease, though. Rock stalking Cena and hoping for a Rock Bottom. Cena reverses and hits an Attitude Adjustment for the win!

    God damn it.

    Well, we all knew it was coming. Cena wins and is champion again. Hoping there’s a moment after the match to make it all worth it. Just not another handshake. Come on.

    Of course, there’s the handshake, and Cena points to the Rock. Rock gets a sending off like he’s going to retire, even though we already know he’s going to be at WM XXX. What the hell is this over-sentimental garbage.

    Cena stands tall as the show ends. Very predictable Mania, but a good show in general.  Match of the Night is obviously Taker vs Punk.

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Men in Tights: Wrestlemania XXIX Predictions

Wooooo.

I guess I could be called a closet wrestling viewer. I don’t necessarily hide the fact that I enjoy watching it, but I certainly don’t bring it up, since wrestling isn’t really something that’s generally seen as cool any more. Anyway, at the time I’m starting to write this post, Wrestlemania is about an hour away, so I figured I’d post some predictions. So here we go:

Pre-show:

  1. Wade Barrett vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship.
    As sad as I am to say it, The Miz is likely winning here. Faces win more at Mania, and Barrett hasn’t been given any respect as an IC champ. Lazy booking makes this feud a snoozer, and the crowd will likely care very little. Also, the fact that this match is on the pre-show is a disgrace to the prestige of the Intercontinental title. Winner: Miz wins with his dreadful Figure Four.
  2. Tons of Funk + Funkadactyls vs Team Rhodes Scholars + Bella Twins
    Waste of talent in this match that should be on the pre-show. Rhodes and Sandow should be the ones challenging for the tag titles, but instead they are facing a comedy quartet. Bella Twins I couldn’t care less about as they’re clearly just eye candy and they’re not even that attractive to begin with. Winners: Tons of Funk + Funkadactyls win and dance with children.

Main Show:

  1. Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan) vs Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston (with AJ Lee in their corner)
    I’m assuming that WWE Creative has some intelligence and places this match first, because 1: It gives more interest to the ADR vs Swagger match later with the threat of a cash-in looming and 2: It frees up Kane to have a role in ‘Taker vs Punk. This match shouldn’t be. It should be Team Hell No vs Team Rhodes Scholars, as they already have back-story and excellent chemistry. This match should still be quite a spectacle with all men being good workers. Winners: Hell No retains and hopefully goes on to lose the titles at Extreme Rules against PTP or Rhodes Scholars.
  2. Ryback vs Mark Henry
    This rivalry has actually been pretty fun even if the match is awfully predictable. WWE is building Ryback into a top star and Henry is a monster hurdle for him to clear. Winner: Ryback wins and gets a WM-moment whenhe gives the Shell-Shock to Mark Henry, and “Feed me More” chants roar through the stadium.
  3. Fandango vs Chris Jericho
    Johnny Curtis is a spectacular talent. Even when handed an outrageous gimmick like Fandango, he gives his all and gives great performances. He’s been given “You Can’t Wrestle” chants, which is confusing as he’s a great in-ring worker. He’s been booked to get the upper hand on Y2J (my favourite wrestler, btw) in the entire feud, so Jericho could pick up a victory to extend the rivalry, but really I think Fandango will win in a great bout that might be Match of the Night. Winner: Fandango.
  4. The Shield vs Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show
    The Shield has been a great stable so far and one of the best thing in wrestling today, but they have been a bit stale lately. Hopefully they start changing their game up a bit after their inevitable win here. The big question about the match is what the alignments will be after. Lots of fans have been clamouring for a Randy Orton heel turn, but it feels too predictable. However, I wouldn’t say no to a Randy Orton vs Sheamus match at Extreme Rules. Winners: The Shield, and no heel turn by Orton.
  5. CM Punk vs The Undertaker for The Streak
    I see this match showing up earlier that expected to get the crowd hot, and HHH’s ego means that his match with Lesnar will likely take place before Cena vs Rock II, and it’s a good choice to be the penultimate match with its personal nature. The Streak has been going strong for 20+ years now, and now Undertaker meets one of the hottest stars of today in CM Punk. In January Punk’s 400+ day WWE title reign ended (the longest in 25 years or so), and he now sets his sights on one of the top things at Wrestlemania, The Streak. In 20 matches at Wrestlemania, the Undertaker as won 20 and lost 0. Incredible statistics. One debate that has popped up is “Should the streak end to give respect to a younger star, or should it end with a perfect record?” and for the longest time, I have firmly believed that it should end intact, but in recent months I’ve changed my mind. CM Punk winning the streak would make him a living legend. A lot of fans would hate it and lots would love it. CM Punk gains more from winning than Undertaker does. No one’s going to think of Undertaker any better than they already do, and especially if the WM XXX match is planned to be against John Cena, The Streak should come to an end tonight. I’ll go rather bold and pick Punk, with a possible Kane run-in to set up Kane vs Undertaker for the last time at Wrestlemania XXX. Winner: CM Punk.
  6. Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Jack Swagger (with Zeb Coulter) for the World Heavyweight Championship
    I’ve been a big fan of ADR’s face turn so far and he’s going well in the feud against Swagger. Swagger’s reappearance and push have been fantastic and his promo ability has shot through the roof. That said, the feud has kind of cooled down in the last week, with Monday’s attack from Swagger and Coulter on Del Rio kind of falling flat. Winner: Alberto Del Rio, leading to a rematch at Extreme Rules. No successful cash in by Ziggler.
  7. Triple H vs Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred)
    I don’t much care for how this feud has been built, but a No Holds Barred match between these two could be really cool. Maybe we’ll even see some blood flow? Shawn Michaels is in Hunter’s corner, which could come into play, but I hope it doesn’t. Winner: Brock Lesnar.
  8. John Cena vs The Rock for the WWE Title
    I don’t care. I really don’t care who will win this match. John Cena has produced some comments in interviews that tell me he has no idea how to tell a story and how a program should work, so I’m anti-Cena for life, even if the dreamed-about heel turn happens. The Rock hasn’t been on the level we’re used to in this return. One good promo between these guys last week, but this week it was just John Cena back to his awful self. Winner: John Cena, because it’s just the way stories like this go.

And that’s that. Hope it’s a good show at least. I guess extra matches could be added, like Antonio Cesaro vs random dude (possibly Christian) and Kaitlyn vs AJ for the Diva’s title.

I Played A Game: Tomb Raider

NOTICE: Hi. What you’re reading is an old review from when I was using a different template. It was kind of ugly, so I switched. If I make a mention of spoilers going to be blacked out, they won’t be. Sorry. It’s just so long ago I wrote this and it’s a bother to go back and edit it extensively. Sorry if you get spoiled, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any major spoilers in anything without giving big warnings about it first. Cheers.

Tomb Raider is a good game.

So, I gave in, despite my starving wallet’s futile pleads, and bought Tomb Raider on Origin. I thought it looked great, but as I’m kinda low on cash at the moment I intended to let the price drop before getting it. Origin had a pretty good price so I picked it up. Funnily enough it uses Steamworks, so I had to install it on Steam anyway. WTF? Not that I mind, I have tons of games on and greatly enjoy using Steam. That sounded a bit corny. Anyway. ONTO THE TEXTING OF THINGS! Let’s begin with a run-down of the plot. I’ll try to keep this all spoiler-free. If there are spoilers, I’ll try to put them in red text.

While on an archaeology expedition with… other archaeologists, the ship Lara’s on (The Endurance, if my memory is correct) goes down and wrecks and the crew escapes. Most of the crew looks like they survived. Lara gets snagged by some guys as she crawls onto the beach. She wakes up upside down in a cave. Looks like she’s run into a cult of crazy dudes. After some burning of wood and a few QTEs, she makes it out and rejoins her friends. More things happen and Lara and the Endurance’s survivor’s are put against the cultists and try to find a way of the accursed island. Supernatural stuff are abound as Lara explores tombs and learn to survive on the island. The story is pretty simple but does a good job at taking you with it and making you care. The writing itself is a bit wonky at times. It goes wildly swinging from great and involving to horribly weak and redundant. It’s mostly good, but more consistency would have been nice.

One of the first thing you’ll notice is that the game is very beautiful. Very nicely crafted surroundings and impressive models make for a very pleasing visual experience.

Another thing you’ll notice is something that’s become a pet peeve of mine the last years. Quick-time-events. There are a TON of QTEs all over this game. Especially in the beginning of the game. As the story progresses they begin to thin out, but they come back in boss-battles and such. One of the reasons I don’t like QTEs are the way they’re often used, like in this game. Especially in boss-fights, where you try to find the right angle to shoot an enemy. However, you can only defeat the enemy in a specific way. First you dodge, and then you shoot his back. Then comes the QTE. Hit the button at the right timing and you cause damage. Rinse and repeat. I’d rather have a free-flowing battle where you wear down the enemy or find different ways to hurt him. For example:

  • Shoot the guy in the leg with your bow to slow him down.
  • Use the shotgun to blow his helmet off.
  • Dodge near a wall to make him get his hammer stuck.

And more possible things to do, instead of being tied to the one and only way to win the battle. It’s just lazy design to have it come down to a QTE. Slight spoiler: The final boss even comes down to a QTE.

And hey, the soundtrack is really good.

Jason Graves has composed a fantastic soundtrack that gets you caught up in the action. I’m definitely ordering this soundtrack ASAP. Great emotional, epic and action-y scores help the game have that much more impact. He even had a crazy instrument sculpted for the game. Check it out:

When soundtracks are this good, they enhance the entire experience, and Graves managed just that. Hats off to you, mate.

On the topic of audio, the voice acting of this game is absolutely bloody amazing. Especially Camilla Luddington, who of course plays the part of Lara. None of the bigger roles are anything but good, and apart from some very minor characters having some sketchy acting, it’s great all around.

Speaking of characters (nice segue, bwaha), most of the characters beside Lara are pretty bad. Except for Roth, who is pretty excellent, although clichéd, Jonah and Alex are pretty decent but are pictured as being pretty stupid. The female side-characters Reyes and Sam are absolutely worthless throwaway characters. Reyes is angry at Lara at the beginning of the game because Lara suggested going to the Dragon’s Teeth spot (presented as some Bermuda Triangle) and continues to be a massive bitch throughout the game until the final act, when she comes around and becomes nice and trusty. If she’s going to be a bitch, at least give her a good reason to be vile, instead of temporary setbacks. Also, she has a daughter, so that makes her near invincible, because of the sentimental value. Sam, on the other hand is just completely worthless. I get that she’s Lara’s friend, so Lara wants to save her, but she’s just such an idiot. Always getting stuck and kidnapped by the antagonist and then being horribly one-dimensional. In one of the few exposition-pieces she gets, she talks about taking Lara to bars and meeting cute guys. Yay.

Gameplay-wise, it’s pretty good. Besides the QTEs, there’s a lot of free-running and jumping around. I would have wanted it to bee more free, though, as there are usually only one way up to certain areas. My main anger is that there is a huge emphasis on action. You rarely get to go anywhere without stumbling into a ton of enemies, who are lying in ambush pretty much all over the island. I’d have rather seen more of an emphasis on exploration, as well as being given alternate paths to deal with eventual problems. Some are given, but it’s almost never an option to avoid direct combat, which is a bit sad. Also, this makes the tone of the game suffer a bit as well, as you get dulled by the amount of deaths.

Speaking of tone, (segue-master 9000) this game is gritty as fuck. Lara is a pretty girl, but she gets abused, dragged through the mud, falls of cliffs and all sorts of violence. She’s dirty, bloody and bruised throughout the game, which makes her a more interesting and real character and helps the game produce its dark atmosphere.

Regarding Lara, she’s obviously the best character of the game as it’s all about her. Strong-willed, smart, beautiful and the list goes on. Lara’s the star of the show, and you get a lot of time getting to know her.

To wrap up: Tomb Raider is a very good game and fun experience. It should have been better but lack of focus on writing and things that aren’t Lara stops it from being a possible contender for GOTY. If you have the dough, pick it up. Recommended.

Points and stuff:

Pros:

  1. Kinda interesting story
  2. Beautiful scenery
  3. Fantastic soundtrack
  4. Lara Croft
  5. Voice Acting
  6. Gritty as fuck

In between:

  1. Roller-coaster writing (swings wildly from horrible to very good)

Cons:

  1. Dreadful side-characters
  2. Too much action
  3. SO MANY QTEs